Not that anyone has been doing that or anyone has been wondering where I’ve been. I’ve done this shit before and vanished for months at a time…I think…I’m too lazy to check back and see, but let’s take what I am saying as the truth for the purpose of this post.
This new job has been keeping me busy and I love it. I haven’t liked working at a place this much ever before and I don’t know if it’s the high of coming from such a terrible workplace environment. I believe in our product, I like the people I work with and I don’t dread going to work at all. It’s nice to feel like that and I wonder how much of my depression was caused by feeling trapped in shitty circumstances. Most of that dark cloud I felt like I was living under seems lifted.
That having been said I’ve been more prone to spending time alone due to a lot of other things that have happened and my writing is basically dead in the water. I happened to meet a girl who helped me sort out some of the psychological issues with my main character because she grew up with a mother who had the same issues and that insight really tied everything together. But there’s still some fear for me in writing the characters and plot out. I know I can do it somewhere inside. I’m a decent writer and I have ideas that seem to interest people. But self doubt is a pretty powerful opposing force and once you let it gain traction it’s hard to stop.
This month is National Novel Writing Month, which is something I usually scoff at because I feel that if you’re going to write something nut the fuck up and do it today. Don’t wait until November because there’s a month to do it. But it looks like this month will have to be my month to get back on track. With me going out less it might be easier. I need to save money now. I need a new car. I want to start picking up some other stuff that if I don’t have by the time I’m thirty it becomes a bit of a sad-case.
I have the time to write and do what I need to do. I mean, I’m the fastest writer I know when I sit down and do it. Fifty thousand words in a month is what National Novel Writing Month requires. Those kind of numbers were child’s play to me. I could do that in a week. But I need to actually sit down and do that. Lissette and Annemarie and the other characters have a story that needs to be told and I need to stop this meticulous planning and just write. It’s now or later, but now seems better when this has been something I’ve wanted since I was eleven.