Those Old Allergies of Mine

pollenIt seems that the allergies that I didn’t have just ten years ago are getting worse. I’m pretty much unable to cut the grass outside of my place or stand nearby when it’s being cut. This is evident by the extremely shitty way that I’m feeling right now due to the latter. I found out a few months back that being covered in the grass from the yard, especially freshly cut grass caused me to swell up and feel woozy.

The whole being ill because of being out doors is new to me. I was in Boy Scouts and didn’t even seem to have issues with poison ivy. Suddenly I’m unable to touch the grass. It doesn’t make sense and I am kind of coming to think that it has something to do with where I live more than anything.

There’s huge plants that make God-knows-what right across the water from me and I drive through it, breathe it and basically live in the stuff day in and day out. I’m not a scientist, but I will say that the only other thing about my life that has changed that could cause this issue was that. I don’t know much about the kind of thing nor have I done research on it. It’s a non-issue because whether they caused the allergies or not I don’t think there’s a way to be rid of them.

So, I’m up at 3:30 in the morning barely breathing because of them. I took something so I should be able to find sleep soon.

The Power to Keep You Safe

This isn’t a big “current events and news” blog. Those tend to be hard subjects for me to talk about because it usually requires that I be paying attention to the news.

Lately that’s been really hard. The standard news channel stuff is drivel with almost everything turning into a scandal or some conspiracy or even just old fashioned fear mongering for one reason or another. Granted there are times when scandals are news and when there is a reason to be afraid for the future or for what’s going on right now.

The news tends not to be about those things. Their focus is more on what brings them ratings and the easiest thing to throw a hash-tag in front of.

The other day something happened that seems to have garnered some attention and it’s even managed to reach my ears in a relatively short amount of time. A twenty-two year old shot up several locations because of his ill luck with making friends and dating women. Stop reading here for about ten seconds to give that shit time to sink in.

Someone shot people all because he was having issues with making friends and dating. That might sound outlandish and we might feel like there’s no reason for that to be the case, but think back on it. Isn’t this the same thing that keeps happening. Sure, the person who did it this time is a little older, but it’s the same story.

A guy who doesn’t fit in (it’s almost never a girl, it seems) decides that if he can’t have friends he needs to take the lives of some people he deems as part of the problem. I watched his videos, maybe that’s wrong of me considering that it just gives the killer more attention, but the thing I noticed was that the overall feeling I got from him was one that unnerved me. I felt that he was the kind of person who you meet and you’re instantly uncomfortable with his posture and his look. Not that he was ugly or repulsive or something, but he has something about him that made him creepy.

That word gets thrown around a lot for people who don’t deserve it. Creepy. Creepy like the janitor at the school or the guy who collects Pokemon cards in his thirties. No I mean real creepy. The kind of person that you get alarm bells just by looking at them. It wasn’t his interests or his self confidence that made him unworthy of friends, it was that just from seeing him the average person could tell that he was a broken person. Something is wrong with him.

Not everyone who sees this blog will believe in God or fate or higher powers. But God or nature or whatever gave us intuition for a reason. We choose to muck it up and cloud it with what it socially acceptable. Cultural mores and things that really shouldn’t play into it. We need to go back to trusting what we feel in the deepest part of ourselves.

It’s something we tap into a lot when we’re driving. We just know someone is going to switch lanes unexpectedly sometimes or pull out in front of us. We see little visual cues and we put them together and we just know what’s going to go down. We’re not psychic, we’re just processing information in a level that’s higher than the everyday bullshit our minds usually concentrate on.

We need to use that more often. We need to stop letting society decide what creeps us out and clear that part of ourselves out for real dangers. People who are predatory and who aren’t right. When we see them we need to avoid them or even warn others. There’s a person I’ve met like that here and I’ve just kept myself away from them because everything about how they acted was wrong. People might think I need to give them a chance or that I’m being rude, but the truth is that people who that are used to people avoiding others for reasons that aren’t legitimately concerning.

Take time to get back down to that part inside of yourself that’s meant to keep you safe. We all need to think about that and make it happen. It can save lives.

Agency

spotlight_1448187cI’m stuck.

When my writing is stuck I tend to look back through all of the stuff I have (in no particular order) and read over things. One of the things that I’ve noticed with this current novella is there seems to be no times that I can find where someone robs the main character of her agency. This is rarer for a female characters.

And for those who don’t understand what I mean when I say agency here’s a definition: the ability for a person, or agent, to act for herself or himself. A person who is not allowed to act for her/himself is lacking in agency, or is said to have been denied agency.

I’m writing a character who tends to make her own choices and not let her circumstances hold her back from doing things her way. Probably one of the biggest complaints that we see in a lot of YA novels right now is a lack of agency. Of course most readers have never heard the term and don’t phrase it that way. They speak about the how idle the character is or how little forward momentum the plot has or how the character doesn’t dictate their own actions.

There are types of stories where it is expected that characters will lose agency or have very little of it, but the overall trend of it being the case where we work with main characters who have very little to do with the outcome of their own story is getting tired.

Something Borrowed From Myself

Basic RGBI’ve been critical of the kind of stories that get their beginnings as fan fiction and are transferred over to an original format. It’s probably unfairly so because the examples of this that we have are Mortal Instruments and Fifty Shades of Gray. Neither of them are stellar entries.

And here we are with me thinking of using some of the mythos I had from a fan fiction piece I wrote. It was a short piece and the ideas presented in it that I want to use are original, but the first time I ever put them on paper and gave them life it was in a story about the show Sherlock.

With me rounding out the edges of the story with Lissette and Annemarie, I have started thinking I should use these discarded things that I have been dumping off. I had a plethora of creatures things running around in the book before it was Angel and Demon specific. There were werewolves and vampires and a whole host of other things that didn’t really have a place in the world but still had a mythos and characters and backstories.

All of that was dropped in favor of something more streamlined. I didn’t need to complicate my imaginary world with tons of unneeded exposition for no pay off (which is what I would have had to do if I was just adding things in inorganically).

When I deleted them I promised I would use some of this stuff later somewhere else. I’m starting to formulate a vehicle for that now and it’s borrowing from my own fan fiction.

It feels a little hypocritical, but at the same time the idea is expanded far beyond what I was doing there and it’s not just a word-for-word copy and paste job with the numbers filed off and the names changed to protect me from copyright infringement. I want to borrow the spirit of the story and make it into this new thing all together.

Returned

Nothing much to report, just that the little guy (the dog that I spoke about last night) is home with his owner. I’m glad. He reminded me a lot of my old dog Carly and it feels like spending that little bit of time with him and hanging out was kind of like having her around one more time.

I didn’t get to see her before she died, so that was something special.

In other exciting news the keyboard I wanted should be here on Thursday. Can’t wait.

Found Dog

2014-05-18 21.26.44I was coming out of work  tonight and happened to be talking on the phone to a friend of mine. We were just shooting the shit when I looked up at the street next to the building to see a small puppy wandering around unattended and sniffing in the grass. I waited to see if anyone was behind him or chasing after him and the like and no one was.

Usually I don’t really bother with stray animals. Dogs will wander pretty far from home and get back on their own. But it was dark and there was a lot of traffic so I went over and scooped him up and brought him back to the house with me.

He seems intelligent and sweet. Though he is a little scared some of the time. More than anything he seems curious. He just heard me typing and decided that he would stand up on his hind legs and try to look up here. Tomorrow I am going to take him over to the animal control people and see if he has a chip in him or if anyone is looking for the little guy.

Other than that I don’t know what I can do.

So Did The Fat Lady

ac3ea7190c324be4cbd4338c53e097ebThe FX show “Louie” Has been some of the most impressive I’ve ever seen and it seems like not many people are watching it. When you consider that it’s on the same network that bought up shows like “Archer” and “Always Sunny” you would think that it had the kind of support from other comedies that could catapult it into being the kind of thing people are talking about at work the next day.

After the episode last week, entitled So Did the Fat Lady, I’m starting to think I know why there’s not a more prominent following behind “Louie”. The show is staggeringly brilliant, but it’s brutal. Not in that fantastical Game of Thrones way so that people can’t look away, but in a way that the show is being so real with you that you want to look away. You only don’t because it’s such a good well written show. You feel for characters, even ones that you just meet some of the time and you get to walk this awkward line between surreal and realism that’s not the kind of thing that I’m used to seeing on TV.

It can be hard to watch a show that points out faults in something that you’ve done or a way you’ve behaved. This show can do that and does it really well.

The episode tackles the way men are about dating overweight women versus how things are for overweight men. It’s an interesting and brave commentary and it will probably make a lot of people mad (bring up overweight women or anything to do with them in some circles and watch the anger it provokes).

It’s good that a show has the courage to do these kinds of things and even point the finger at it’s audience. It’s for the best that this show isn’t on Comedy Central too, because the network seems to have very little patience for smart comedy these days. And while Archer and “Always Sunny” might technically be the same genre of show as “Louie”, they’re not hard hitting and watching them isn’t going to shine a spotlight on you.

We need more of this kind of thing in media. We need more out there that can entertain while making you think.