Bowie_ChangesI’m getting into that wonderful age category where being “the single guy without kids” goes from being said with a tone that would suggest you’re cool and starts being said as if you’re a sinister pedophile. Also, when I say that sentence in my head pedophile is said in the British fashion; don’t ask me why.

A fair number of my friends are married, engaged to be married, divorced and have kids. There’s nothing wrong with any of those things and they don’t particularly ruin a friendship, well, not in and of themselves. These important life changes are usually treated as if they end your social life for ever or as if they’re the end of you having friends. I’m determined not to be the shortsighted kind of friend who doesn’t call someone because they can’t sit in a bar with me until we’re too drunk to distinguish people from house plants. I don’t have many friends these days and I need to cherish them, because as anyone will tell you another symptom of getting older is the dwindling number of people you can trust.

This all leads up to the mistake I made today. Without really meaning to I didn’t speak to a friend because she just had a baby. It wasn’t because of some kind of “eww babies” sentiment. Babies can’t do anything I haven’t already seen on the internet. It was more because I felt that she would be too busy for whatever trite bullshit I had to say. Maybe I was correct, but text messages are hardly invasive and they don’t demand an immediate response. That’s what makes them so great. I thought about all of this much later when I was laying down for bed and realized this is probably how it starts. All of the people who vanish when someone gets married or when someone has kids—it begins with them just assuming this. Or with them actually wanting to have friends with more “freedom”. Those last people probably aren’t going to fall into that friends you trust category.

My friends mean a lot to me and I’m going to do whatever I can to keep them and keep up with them. There are plenty of good reasons not to text someone, but I’m not going to let the fact that they might be too busy to answer immediately be one of them.


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